Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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