I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
