my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
