It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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