We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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