Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
