Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
