hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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