Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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