I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
