he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
