Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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