id be glad to
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
