I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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