just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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