...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize