the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
