i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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