Barsexuality is the new black.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
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You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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