he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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