Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
