He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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