My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
