Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
