Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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