Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
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It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
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who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize