im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
