Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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