i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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