they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
They took my balls.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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