Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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