I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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