She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
