P.S. I can't hear my feet
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
