mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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