I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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