I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize