i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
