On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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