Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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