i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
