I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
