So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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