you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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