Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
