Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
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See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
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I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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