WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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