I'm really into asian looking animals
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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