dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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