gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
