We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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