I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
