haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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