Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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