People with herpes should wear stickers.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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