wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
