my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
