they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
