listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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