You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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