Already got asked if we're dating
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
