I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
