hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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