I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
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