My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
