I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
