Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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