He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
