I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
