Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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