So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
