Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My ass is underappreciated
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I would fuck him just for his dog
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