I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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