I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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